When you stop regularly messing about with your brain’s natural chemistry, when you allow yourself to go back to having natural, healthy, restorative sleep, as your heath rate and blood pressure drops back to normal and your energy level raise up back to normal, your mental health improves dramatically. You find you have a new confidence, a new and improved mental resilience.
Why is this a problem from a quitting perspective?
Because, with this newfound confidence, along with the fact that this stage comes some time after we’ve quit, we start to forget how hard we found it to quit in the first place.
We forget the struggle, the seemingly endless day ones, and how hard it was to get those first few sober days under our belt. With our newfound self-confidence we would find quitting much easier, and the fact that we have now successfully quit for some time makes us lose our fear of becoming hooked again.
In short we forget the mental and physical fragility that drinking causes, and which contributes significantly to why we find it so hard to quit.
Because this is something that we usually encounter after some period of being sober, it is also often mixed in with FAB and Ambition. We are strong and confident, we have umpteen months or years of sobriety under our belt, the sober life is both natural and enjoyable, we remember those drinks we had they we really ‘enjoyed’. We are surrounded (as we always seem to be) by a dozen other drinkers, all laughing and happy and enjoying their innocent little pleasure. What possible harm could there be in trying just one? We’ve surely got it out of our system by now. Phrases like ‘reset’ and ‘normal drinking’ float around in our mind, even though they are words with as little substance as a politician.
And even if the worst happens, if were do get hooked again, we can just stop again no problem. After all look how successful we’ve been quitting. We can just replicate that.
And the sad thing is that you could replicate it with your current level of confidence and mental resilience. But mix in a bit of chemical imbalance in the brain, mix in a few nights of poor quality sleep, increase the heart rate and blood pressure so that you feel heavy and washed out and lethargic, and suddenly that confidence and mental resilience seems to have melted away. We feel dreadful, worse than we ever felt than we were drinking previously (in fact we feel exactly the same but not one have FAB blurred the memories, but we’ve just had months or even years of sobriety, enjoying every day that full level of health and vitality, so the return to the semi-existence of the drinker is even more stark and noticeable.
We desperately regret our decision and want to get back to where we were, we want that deeply unpleasant feeling to end. But now we are right back where to started. The quickest way to end that feeling is not to quit, but to take another drink. Of course we made a mistake, of course we want to quit again, but not now, not today, tomorrow will be a far better day to quit. After all we’ve fallen off the wagon now anyway, what difference will one more day make?
And so we start kicking the can down the street again, living a half life o feeling weak and tired, interspersed with odd bouts of chemically induced stultification. And once again the days turn into weeks months and years as our precious life runs down.
This is where sticking with sober communities can be useful, and also why I allow people who have been drinking to post in the Alcohol Explained Facebook group. The good thing about these communities is that not only can those who have quit for some time help those who are just starting out, but those struggling with the endless day ones can stop those who have quit for some time from slipping into this loss of fear of getting hooked again.
In laying out the different challenges involved in stopping drinking, I hope that I have helped identify potential weak spots which may trip you up and end with you drinking again. This will hopefully help you to identify areas where you need be extra vigilant, and provided some tools to help you overcome them. Please do not hesitate to reach out into the facebook group to ask for support, or reach out to me direct.
There seems to be a strange perfection among some people of me as some world famous person in my gilded tower, inundated with fan mail. In fact I receive very few emails and I take a lot of pleasure and interest in those I do receive, whether they are from people just reaching out or are asking for specific advice etc. So if you are struggling please do contact me via the ‘contact’ section of the website. It can sometimes take me a bit of time to answer but I will get round to it!
15 responses
William
Thank you so much for your e mails , they have come at just the right time for me . I am always able to look back at drinking through rose tinted glasses and convince myself that this time I can moderate but we all know that is addiction speaking .
So I have kept your posts and will dip in for a read every now and then.
Again thank you
Yvonne
How timely! Thank you as always for your knowledgeable, sound advice and wisdom.
Succinctly accurate as always, the vulnerability of confidence and successful cessation. A tricky cove the human mind and brain, what a joy to be free from the hideous cycle of craving. All the best everyone.
Thanks William, back on the wagon again after two months
As an retired nurse I want to focus on helping people with alcohol issues. I did have a problem myself many years ago and now choose not to drink at all and I am a much happier person as a result. ( stopped 18 years ago…personally I think alcohol should be illegal all the time drugs are considered to be)
Can you recommend a course that is specific to alcohol or addiction that will give me the confidence to be of help.
Thank you.
William you have been a huge inspiration in my quitting alcohol (approaching 2 years AF now). I started with Annie Grace’s 30 day experiment videos and ACT exercises and I followed up with your books and posts. You have a beautiful way of explaining highly complex issues in a way we can understand. I hope you will never stop using this gift to help others because although lots of people have lots of knowledge, not everyone can explain things simply and to the point. Last year this time, as we were approaching Thanksgiving in the USA, I was experiencing triggers due to the commercialization of the holidays. I reached out to communities and re-read my whys that I stopped drinking. I watched the last video that I took of myself drinking. I reminded myself why I never wanted to go back to being a drinker. The trigger went away. This year, I’m not triggered at all and I am feeling extremely confident and happy in my AF lifestyle. What a difference a year makes. These posts have been great reminders for me and I’m keeping them fresh should I need them down the road. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep on shining your bright light. The world needs you.
P.S. I just ordered and am now reading your Diet and Fitness Explained book and it is so far absolutely fabulous! I think I now finally understand the whole issue with ingestion of non-natural sugar and the blood sugar discussion that everyone is talking about….thanks to you! I’m sure there are other complex topics you can explain to us and l look forward to hearing about those down the road!
I love reading everything you post. I still am not totally AF but I keep trying. At 74, no dancing on tables, just keeping. myself in line and still reaching for the ultimate goal of AF. Will I ever get there? I don’t know. Friends would tell I am fine, we don’t abuse alcohol, no need to go that far. But whether I do or not, your books and writings continue to help me stay focused and move toward that ultimate goal. Thanks you for all that you do for myself and others.
Hi William,
Thank you for this post. With Christmas round the corner it is easy for these thoughts to creep in. I have found the odd thought about drinking starting to surface even though I have been happily sober for nearly 6 years now. It is hard not to feel boring when surrounded by laughing drinkers. It is important to remember the reality of how it actually feels when you are constantly chasing a chemical high. I much prefer my life now. After 25 years of heavy drinking I feel so lucky to have successfully quit. I am extremely grateful to you and your wise words which made so much sense to me during the struggle of the early days. I was sorry to hear you have been going through a tough time. Always remember the massive difference you have made to so many people’s lives. I am eternally grateful to you.
Helen
What this lady said !!!!!! Beautifully put .x
Wow this series has been so valuable to me I really appreciated it i wish I had of had it before i lapsed thanks again x
I loved receiving these emails, and so timely for me, 🥰. As I started drinking again on a trip to the UK ( from Aus) after nearly 2 years sober. And , as you know, it’s the same slog up the road again, but this time gnashing your teeth at having to go through it all again! So your emails have been brilliant, thanks so much for writing them. I have read each one several times.
And your book Alcohol Explained 2 is beyond doubt THE BEST quit book in the world bar none.
You, Andrew Huberman, and my husband, I credit almost entirely (I do take a bit of credit myself!) for me managing to get back on track after a two year relapse. I had been happily sober for three and a half years and drank on an AI holiday and oh boy, everything you have said in this article applied to me, I stop/started for those two years doing anything up to 70 days sober before drinking again. Then I went back to basics, re-read your book, listen to the Huberman podcast on alcohol and once again that switch flicked to sober. I had wandered away from my Soberistas tribe in that time leading up to the relapse and I feel sure if I had stuck with them I would have discussed it with them, (I planned it three months in advance) and they would have talked some sense into me. I will not lose my tribe again! I’m now once again over three years sober and stronger than ever in my sobriety. Thank you for your amazing inspirational books and podcast appearances. You are a star!
Thank you William – your recent emails have been timely and really helpful. I’m now into week 3 alcohol free – better sleeps, better at work, happier, calmer, better digestion. This is after living alcohol free for a few months here and there before getting back in to the daily routine of “kicking the can down the street again, living a half life of feeling weak and tired…”
Your books are great – highly recommend them to anyone who wants a break from drinking.
Hey Will – Im ex military too and my alcoholism came late in the day. I spennt 20 years in the mess going round the picture rails, mess rugby, naked bar and out on parade in front of the gym – quick kotch in the ditch and then catch up with the Toms. I realised I had a problem when I started sneaking a quick one from the fridge while no one was looking, and my withdrawal was exactly as you described in Alcohol Explained (BTW the best book I’ve read on reasons to quit). I went to AA and collected those tokens for 7 months ( popping each one in an old 105 mm artillery shell case) and then 2 weeks ago …….. You’re right – we do have the discipline but it was hard work tapering down each day for a week – and then the 5 days that followed. It was harder this time. It’s my fault – take full responsibility and I’m not worried about the next 30 or 60 days – its that FAB and -well, I’m OK now. So why not just one? PS – you Diet explained was anothe eye opener. The AA team have welcomed me back with no judgement and what a pleasure that is – but it was also you’re easy read, straight – forward no BS fact that have helped me the most. Thanks.