When I refer to ‘ambition’ here I am not using it in its narrow sense of trying to climb to the next rung of whatever career ladder we’ve ended up on. I am using it in its far wider sense; the desire of all living things to want to improve their lot in life.
Used in this sense, ambition is made up of two distinct parts; finding fault in what we have, and idolising what we don’t have. These two forces in tandem drive humans and every living thing to be constantly looking to improve their lot in life.
Like FAB (see the next post) these tendencies are generally seen as a good thing, as they keep us moving forwards and trying to improve things. But when you apply it to drinking and drug addiction more generally, it can cause problems.
When you are drinking it’s foul. It’s a life of tiredness and heaviness and anxiety, occasionally relieved by periods of sedation. So we look to make a change. We quit. Life slowly becomes a whole world better. You start sleeping better and waking up feeling truly refreshed, your energy level and mental resilience increase dramatically as you stop messing with your brain chemistry and stop taking a drug which significantly increases your heart rate and blood pressure (which makes you feel heavy and lethargic, so say nothing about the negative impact in your cardiovascular health).
The problem is that over time our newfound physical and mental strength becomes the norm, and we start to take it for granted. At the same time we are still being bombarded with pictures of laughing, happy drinkers. We start to feel like we’re missing out. The effects of ambition start to kick in: we become very critical of what we have (sobriety) and start idolising what we don’t have (alcohol).
This is a danger point and it causes many people to start drinking again. The problem is that if they do, they return to the unpleasant reality of drinking, not the idolised fantasy. This is one of the central frustrations of the addict who keeps quitting and starting again, they are constantly moving from one situation to the other and never finding contentment in either one.
So what can you do to combat this?
See these thoughts for the nonsense they are, remember the reality and not the time distorted fantasy. Above all never take the significant gains of sobriety for granted. There is no such thing as a “small victory”. Every victory is significant.
5 responses
Reading this one a couple of times. I no longer have the desire to drink at all (approaching 2 years completely alcohol free and I proudly tell people I am a non-drinker). At the beginning of the journey, this was my biggest battle — feeling I was missing out. I combatted this by changing my beliefs about how alcohol fixes things. It doesn’t make vacations better- it makes then worse, it doesn’t relax me, it causes anxiety, it doesn’t make me sleep better, it takes away from sleep, it is not a reward, it’s a punishment, etc. I began to realize I was telling myself lies. Education about alcohol made all the difference. I had tried to quit so many times before but used discipline which never worked. It was too hard. When you actually change your subconscious beliefs about alcohol, staying away from it becomes easy. This is so key! But I know I can still be triggered because the old wring of my brain can kick in. It has not for a while as I am very confident in my new way of living, but especially around the holidays, this is a great reminder of the potential dangers of romanticizing alcohol like I did at the beginning of the journey. Thank you
This article and your reply were very useful to me. The “telling myself lies” about the benefits of alcohol was very helpful and I am trying to come to grips with it.
Thank you for this. It’s such an articulate, succinct way of describing how we sabotage ourselves.
I was surprised by the article’s view on ambition and alcohol. I kind of expected the opposite take on ambition and alcohol — but maybe there are two “ambition” sides to this. I am comfortably retired and have gotten into the non-ambitious non-productive non-purpose habit of 5 PM drinking once the “day is done”. As my friend (Weilert’s Law) in college would say, “If you aren’t playing a big enough game, you’ll screw up the one you are playing just to give yourself something to do.” Checking out for the day via drinking is an example. When in my 30’s to 50’s, I couldn’t just “finish” with my family, finances, fitness, and job until about 10 PM at the earliest — although part of my job often involved some fairly heavy drinking with customers and employees (FOMO, event, and ambition-driven drinking). Wrong thinking about alcohol and ambition either way. I used to drink to get ahead or relax after a very stressful long day. Now I drink because I don’t have much to do that I can’t take care of in about 8 hours a day (or less). Your article is a wake-up call.
Bonjour,
Je comprends bien ce que l’auteur entend par “ambition”, désirer obtenir ce qu’on n’a pas. C’est valable pour tout désir dans la vie. Malheureusement, la chose qu’on désire n’est jamais conforme à ce qu’on imagine. Avec l’alcool, c’est encore pire car l’objet de notre désir, non seulement est un produit toxique, mais nous vivons dans des sociétés où l’alcool a plutôt bonne réputation. Si personne ne buvait, il n’existerait pas de problème ni de désir d’alcool.
Comme le dit William, la sobriété nous restitue tant de force et d’énergie vitale que le danger qui nous guette, c’est de finir par nous croire plus forts que la boisson : “Après tout, j’ai réussi a arrêter, donc l’alcool n’est pas si dangereux, tout le monde boit autour de moi et semble y prendre un plaisir fabuleux, etc… je peux bien m’accorder un petit verre, non ?” On finit par oublier tout ce dont on ne voulait plus : la fatigue, le sommeil perturbé et insuffisant, les gueules de bois carabinées, les disputes, les gardes-à-vue, la violence, les fiascos sexuels, le choses stupides et irrationnelles qu’on a faites et dites, les accidents de voiture et les suspensions de permis…
En fin de compte, seul un changement général de mentalité (comme ce fut le cas avec le tabac) remettra ce produit à sa place : au même rang que les eaux usées des égouts. Personnellement, j’ai bu mon premier verre relativement tard, à 19 ans. Je peux donc affirmer catégoriquement que personne n’a besoin de boire de l’alcool pour être heureux dans la vie, c’est un pur mensonge ou au mieux une erreur due à l’ignorance. J’ai 47 ans et je peux vous dire que j’étais beaucoup plus heureux avant de commencer à boire. En réalité, je voulais juste être comme tout le monde et me faire accepter, paraître sociable. Comme des moutons, nous choisissons de faire partie du groupe plutôt qu’écouter notre instinct : ce dernier nous crie, dès le premier verre, que nous commettons une erreur.
Je ne suis pas croyant, mais cette affaire d’alcool me fait penser à l’histoire d’Adam et Eve, qui pouvaient “manger de tous les fruits du jardin, sauf d’un. Autrement, ils mourraient.” C’est exactement ce que font les humains. Au lieu d’écouter leur instinct, ils écoutent, imitent et suivent d’autres humains.