People often use how long they have stopped drinking for as measure of success. It absolutely is; every day is a victory and one to be fiercely proud of; but I know people who do Dry January, for example, who simply do nothing all month other than work and sit around waiting for the misery to end so they can go back to drinking and (as they see it) enjoying life.
Another way of measuring progress is events. Have you spent a Friday night at home with your partner not drinking? What about a night out with friends? Christmas? A holiday or vacation?
Each time you do one of these events it creates a new challenge. You may have successfully stopped drinking for 11 months but this could be your first sober holiday in decades.
It is worth planning these things in advance, how you will feel, what you will do and enjoy, and thinking about what you used to enjoy during a drinking holiday (the alcohol mainly) and what you can enjoy now you’re not drinking. What did alcohol actually add to the holiday? What did alcohol take away? What will staying dry add? Extra energy, better sleep, a more positive outlook? What will you do with this? Will you still be happy just lying around by the pool all day or might you want to get out some more? Will you sit up until the early hours or get some early nights and do some sunrise walks? – incidentally the photo above is a photo I took on a sunrise walk on my most recent holiday.
These events are different when you aren’t drinking; not less enjoyable, but definitely different. On holiday for example, the great pleasure was the alcohol. The drinks at the airport, those first drinks each day by the pool, the drinks before, during and after dinner. It was all about the alcohol. When I really analysed it, I found it wasn’t the great pleasure I’d thought it was. Two of the many problems with drinking were that, firstly alcohol is an appetite stimulant, and secondly you can’t get that alcohol ‘buzz’ when you are stuffed with food. The reality of drinking on holiday is waking up feeling dreadful, waiting around to have those first crucial drinks of the day which do feel really good, but only because they take you from feeling exhausted, lethargic and anxious to feeling relaxed and confident (ie how I feel all the time now I don’t drink). I’d then do for lunch, end up eating far more than I should have due to the false hunger created by the alcohol, then sitting around in the afternoon feeling uncomfortably full, still drinking but not actually getting any great ‘buzz’ from the drinks, instead just feeling dull and heavy.
Repeat for dinner, then a night consisting of a few hours of alcohol induced unconsciousness (which is absolutely nothing like real, healthy, restorative sleep) then off on the whole merry cycle again.
No wonder so many people say they need a holiday to recover form the last holiday.
Now my holidays are full of restful sleep, early morning walks, playing with the kids in the pool, exploring the local area, and early nights.
Totally different, but far more pleasurable.
These events are all better when you are not drinking, but they are different. Before the event even happens, start thinking about:
- What alcohol really contributed to the event.
- What alcohol took from the event.
- How it will be different now you aren’t drinking.
- Where the pleasure will be now you aren’t drinking.
These events are all better when you are not drinking, but they are different. Make sure you analyse them and plan for them in advance.
8 responses
Thank you for doing all these William, the timing’s perfect for me, embarked on a new start a week ago
Thank you William. I can really relate to these articles on ‘Hurdles’. I have tried and failed many times before and now, at 74, I have been diagnosed with prediabetes, caused mainly by what the NHS describe as ‘hazardous alcohol use’. I am preparing to reduce and finally stop drinking in the near future and am using your words to motivate me further.
I absolutely relate to everything you said. Vacationing without alcohol used to be my greatest fear — I used to ask how can I do this without being utterly miserable? Thankfully, I have had many alcohol free holidays now that I quit drinking. And they are different but way better. I especially relate to my past holidays when I used to eat so much and then kept drinking seeking that buzz but not being able to feel anything except misery. To think I was paying so much for my vacations and robbing myself of truly being present is a distant, sad memory. My vacation buzz now is getting up early and reading a wonderful book, enjoying my coffee, and looking forward to the upcoming day. My vacation buzz now is being clear eyed and feeling great. I would not have it any other way. Thanks for sharing!
and I will add that alcohol free beer and mocktails are a woman’s best friend on these vacations! I never feel like I’m missing out!
Hi William! Your advice and insights are SPOT-ON! After reading This Naked Mind, I stopped consuming ethanol on June 19th, 2023 – USA Emancipation Day coincidentally LOL. Side note: Saw the great interview with you and Annie Grace and remember you saying alcohol only gives back what it has already taken away… Anyways, I have experienced how good it feels to be fully present during the joyful moments in life without the veil of alcohol as well as all of the unhealthy adverse affects on my WELLBEING! Every time I attend a social event, I am so consciously thankful to be truly free of this dependency.
Excellent topic and you are spot on!! I have been alcohol free for a year and a half now. I am turning 70 tomorrow and looking forward to another birthday alcohol free. One of my problems when drinking was trying to hide it from my family during get togethers. It was torture because well obviously it can’t be done!! Your books gave me the knowledge, strength and encouragement I needed to make a change after 50 years of drinking!! Thank you so very much!!
Hi William this article is very poignant for me right now as I am on holiday in the Canarias with my wife for 10 days.
I absolutely agree that the mornings are so amazing! I’m up and out with the sunrise each day and walking down to a coffee shop where I listen to the locals and try to translate little pieces of dialect to improve my own pigeon Spanish (spanglish)
My trouble is that my wife continues to drink with the same enthusiasm as ever and because I play along and end up in some horrible places till midnight then guide her home, I am finding that I am starting to resent the evenings and also my wife a little bit too.
Besides drinking we have a very strong relationship which is paramount to me.
You say in your article about your improved holiday experience now,
Did your wife stop drinking with you? Or maybe wasn’t a drinker like you were?
Im struggling to know how best to approach this, it is a subject that you don’t cover in your books and I would greatly value your opinion.
Best Wishes
Chris
I would wholeheartedly like to add my gratitude to that of all your readers, I have saved up these articles to read now, at the beginning of December as a tool to keep me on the path I choose…. , that of not drinking. It has been 8 months now, and I am so pleased, but now need to discover what it is I do like, to fill my limited time left, that is positive instead of habitually abusing substances . thank you again for this and of course your books,